In the eyes of my starfish...

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I recently had to end a relationship that was very dear to my heart. The waves of from the break of that tidal wave have started to hit me. The sadness, the feeling of missing him, the feeling like something is missing, the feeling of hope for the future of him...soon followed by trying to convince myself that I shouldn't hope. That I need to be satisfied with the decision that I made, regardless if it was what I wanted to do or not. That is the problem right now. I have been struggling with whether or not this decision was the right one to make. I run over the reasons in my head and all I feel is the pain of loss.
I was in church the other day and as I was taking notes I started to draw. I do this sometimes to keep from falling asleep, or just to keep my hands occupied while I listen. This is much to the dismay of my mother, but this was different. I had an image in my brain that I needed to get out. Before I knew it I was sketching out two eyes. They were downcast with the eyebrows furrowed together. The picture conveyed my feelings exactly. The feeling of sadness and not being at peace. Immediately I felt ashamed for drawing something like that in church. But at the same time I was proud of myself. I have NEVER been able to draw a full face, let alone have it convey an emotion. I let out a deep sigh and turned the page. This wasn't a fun feeling...not a fun feeling at all. When I got home I tore out the sketch and put it in my dresser. I didn't feel like throwing it away.
Later that day I was listening to the radio and I heard a song that said this, "I've had so many questions without any answers..." That spoke to my heart. It was exactly what I felt. I had so many questions. I wished that God would show me that's what he wanted me to do. Or at least tell me that He was still with me, then I would feel more at peace. I decided to look up the name of the song. It turned out to be "When Tears Fall" by Tim Hughes. I looked up the song on youtube to hear the whole thing and I clicked on the first result that came up. The very first image that I saw was a picture of two eyes...downcast with sadness. I listened to the rest of the song and it lifted my soul. So thank you to My God who made His presence known. Thank you to my God who, even though I have many questions, is faithful to His children. I still don't know how things are going to work out, but I know God is with me, and He will guide my every step.