Power. I don't have it.

A LOT of things are going on in my life right now. To sum it all up there's a lot of relationship drama. From friends to family to co-workers, I feel like there isn't one place in my life that is "under control." I have never felt so lost in a tail spin before. Okay, it's nothing tragic. Things could be a lot worse and I know that there are some people who do have it way worse. But there are quite a few things that are weighing on my heart late at night. You know, the kind of things that you think about before you go to sleep? You are lying in your bed and all of sudden you are hit with all these fears, worries, unanswered prayers, regrets, and hurtful memories. I regret to say that I spent most of last week feeling torn apart by a lot of these things. There were only a few days of the week that I didn't tear up at least once a day.
I felt hopeless.
Cut off.
Without an escape.
Trapped.
A lot of these issues have been on my prayer list for a very long time, and as a result, I had resolved in my mind that things wouldn't and couldn't be changed. I literally said to myself, "This is just too big. I'm just going to have to survive through this and try my best to come out alive."
Somewhere in the middle of all that I sincerely felt like God was trapped too. The darkness was too strong. It all was just too big for Him to handle.

But I no longer feel that way. Within the last two weeks I have noticed a theme in my daily devotions, Bible studies I have gone to, Sunday morning services, and worship songs on Pandora...God's power. Verse after verse after verse has been brought to my attention where God exhibits His power, His promise to do good by me, His promise to not only help me survive and come out alive but to do the fighting for me. And that's where the light bulb turned on in my head. HE was going to do the fighting. Not me. So I needed to step out of the way and stop acting like it was my job to do everything. And I needed to stop thinking that it was my job to tell God what He was and was not capable of. Instead of throwing my hands up and saying, "I give up" I need to turn that into, "I am giving this to you, God." Once I do that, then I don't have to feel like I have failed when I get tired. I don't have to lose hope when I feel like I have no control. God has everything in the palm of His hand and He CAN do anything. He can heal, He can make things new, He can give strength and endurance because He has a never ending supply of that. It feels good to know that Someone does these days.