I had a morning shift as a steward today and decided to take my lunch outside. I went to my new favorite vendor and bought some green curry chicken. It was the only thing that I could really taste because my senses were so numb from congestion! But it turned out to be a beautiful lunch, and I made a new friend. The rain had stopped and I found an empty picnic bench where I could see the clouds and fields. As I gazed into the distance my eyes met the smiling face of Brooke Ballard. "Hello!" she exclaimed as she walked towards me. Brooke and I had never officially met but we had seen each other enough times at Costa Mesa to know that we were on the same team. We re-introduced ourselves to each other chatted as we ate our lunch. I soon learned that she had been sick at the start of the trip too! She had food poisoning! It was a comfort to sympathize and encourage someone else who was sharing the same frustrations I had. My lunch break had a time limit so I had to cut the conversation short, but I left feeling very refreshed. There's something so delightful about making a new friend and she had such a sweet spirit I immediately felt better about my day.
As I walked back to my post I realized that I really did have the best job at the festival. I get to sit in one the seminars and people watch. That really is something I enjoy doing very much! I have always been interested in human behavior, perhaps that's why I minored in psychology. But I digress! When I was back on duty I found myself having to keep an eye on what seemed to be slightly intoxicated group of men. They were invited to the festival by a woman who didn't seem to have all her marbles, so to speak. Unfortunately, this group of people was constantly being escorted off the premises. My heart went to out to all of them. Even though they were more than welcome to join in the workshops and seminars they just didn't know how to behave in those atmospheres. I later learned that they all had been dealing with addictions to alcohol and drugs and the like. Once again, my heart broke. To be lost in life is one thing. But to come to a point where your mind cannot function normally is another. Drugs, alcohol, and other substance abuse had brought these people to a point where they couldn't help but be loud and disruptive. I know that God has eternal grace and He will judge us all according to our actions, but what about those who have lost touch with reality? Those that can't even see the effects of their actions or have sound enough judgement to know when they are being a hindrance to those trying to learn around them? I remember feeling very frustrated by these questions. How do we deal with people like this? I decided to just pray and see what God would do during the rest of the week.
On a lighter note, I found some solace while attending Sheryl Broderson's seminar on joy. I got off of my shift just in time. She opened with how difficult it is for us to have joy in our lives. There are so many distractions and tragedies. But at the same time we let the most insignificant set backs ruin our days. Losing our keys or a change in our plans make us feel out of control, and then we resort to panic! She wrapped up with this key point: When we understand God, who He is, what He has done, how He feels about us, then we can have a full grasp of joy. Sounds so simple when you put it that way doesn't it? It's so easy to lose sight of who God is when we are going through tough times. I have to remind myself that above all things, GOD LOVES ME. That means that He will never leave me, never give me more than I can handle, and that He will always be teaching me new things to make me a better person. He is equipping me for things to come. My life experiences will either benefit me or the people around me. I can encourage others who have dealt with the same issues I have. Or even just sympathizing with someone can be enough. I learned a bit of that tonight night during the after all call prayer...
One of the perks of being on this particular prayer team is getting to be so close to the stage and worship with the congregation as the bands praise God with their talents. Getting to watch the true worship and adoration on people's faces was such a blessing. I have never seen such passion in a congregation before. It was truly inspiring and very humbling. After the band led those who raised their hands in the sinner's prayer, our team waited for them to come for their Bibles and more prayer. Not that many people approached us tonight. I was left standing for quite a while. Others on the team had left to gather their belongings, but something told me to stay. The room started to clear up and I could see the stewards starting to put away the chairs. Oh well I thought feeling a little disappointed. Guess it's time to go. I turned to leave and then I was stopped by a steward. She told me that there was a girl sitting on the other side of the Big Shed who was sitting with her head buried in her hands and crying. "She looks like she could use some prayer," she said as she led me to her. As I approached the girl I saw that she was not alone. A woman was sitting beside her with her hand on her back, trying to comfort her. Tears were streaming down both of their faces and I could hear the girl's soft sobs. I knelt down in front of of them and looked into the girls face. She couldn't be more than 15. I introduced myself to both of them, telling them that I was on the prayer team and asked if I could pray for them. The woman, who I later learned was her mother, turned to her daughter and spoke in a sweet British voice, "Now you talk to this young lady, alright? You tell her what's going on." Then she left. A had a moment of fear...what exactly did I just get myself into? I prayed a general prayer for comfort and peace and that God would heal whatever was broken. Then I asked the girl what was going on. She went on to tell me that her parents had just separated. That there had been a lot of arguing going on in the house and that her dad had left her family. I was instantly filled with compassion. This particular kind of brokenness is something that I am not a stranger to. I told her that I knew how she felt and that I understood how disappointing something like that can be. I told her how God had been my friend through my experiences and that He has and continues to be the only reason I have kept a positive attitude through it all. I did my best to encourage her and remind her that God could work miracles. That miracle could mean her family being restored or she and her mother becoming stronger people because of this. I prayed for her once more. She thanked me with a sweet smile time and then she walked off with her friend. I stood up, turned around and there was her mother standing in front of me. "How is she?" she said with tears in her eyes. The crack in her voice as she said this broke my heart. How hard this must be for a mother, to watch her daughter hurting over something like this. She and I talked about their situation. They were connected to a church and had a lot of support, but this was the first time her daughter opened up about what was going on at home. She hadn't shed a tear or said much about this since her father left a few weeks ago. I held her mother in an embrace as I prayed over their family and for wisdom moving forward. She began to cry. Holding this woman and feeling her sob in my arms was like nothing I had ever felt before. I felt so much love and compassion for a complete stranger. All the while I had a sense of peace knowing that I was calling on the God who created her. What a priviledge this was! Praying for God's grace and mercy for the benefit of another is truly a beautiful thing. When we were done she said thank you and smiled as she said goodbye and went to her daughter.
I walked to a corner and let out a big sigh. "Wow," I said aloud. That was so heavy. All that raw emotion in a matter of minutes had taken me by surprise. This job is not for the faint of heart! Thankfully, Morika was around to give me a hug. I broke down a bit. I told her how I could relate to that kind of heartbreak and she reminded me that God does everything for a reason and that even though this was overwhelming me right now, that God was using me to minister to others. That brought a smile to my heart and face. I was suddenly so grateful. I silently prayed to God and thanked him for allowing me to part of something like this. For allowing me to part of these girl's lives during this time of brokenness. I may have played a very small part in the grand scheme of their lives, but I am so glad I was there to pray for them that night. When I am going through a hard time all I want is a comforting hand and someone to remind me that I belong to a God who is going to work it all out somehow. I hoped I had done that for them.
After my little pep talk with Morika I headed to the cafe to grab my purse. I couldn't help but smile. I was picturing the mother and her daughter and their grateful smiles. It gave me the glow...or what I like to call the glow. I don't know if you know what I am talking about, but it's that glow you feel in your heart when you know that God is present. When you know that He has just worked through you, when you feel Him looking down at you and is pleased. There's nothing better than that feeling! I imagine it's somewhat like the glow that Moses had when He came down the mountain after hearing God speak from the burning bush. The glow he had was external, and even though I know I wasn't shining or anything, it sure felt like it from the inside. So there I was strolling across the cafe with a smile on my face when all of a sudden a man approaches me and says, "You look like a mature person." I must admit it gave me a start. So many things went through my mind...Why is this old man talking to me? Why is he calling me mature? I'm 23 and everyone who meets me still thinks I look 16. Who is this guy? I managed to squeak out a, "Oh well, thank you." He must have noticed my confusion because he explained, "I mean you're not an older woman but you have a very mature aire about you. Are you an old Christian?" Ummmm...What does that even mean?
"Yes," I said. "I mean I have been a Christian most my life."
"Oh have you now? How are you liking the festival?"
Is this guy a volunteer here? He must be or he wouldn't be asking me about how I liked the festival. He's probably looking for some feedback for next year or something.
So I spilled about how I was loving experiencing God in a different culture, and about how much I have learned already and how glad I was to be here.
"Well I don't know why I am here. I'm an atheist and I just happened to pull up."
Definitely not a volunteer...oops.
This man went on to say that he had been through a lot in the past twelve years and he just wants to see what this whole Christian thing was about again. So I told him that he was in a great place and that he should keep coming and read his Bible....
"No. I won't read my Bible."
I jumped a bit and he apoligized for cutting me off. "I'm just not ready to actually seek God that way. But I am willing to be challenged and to talk to people. I want to be honest and know what this means."
All I could think of to say to him was that a willing heart is all that God desires so to keep on coming to the festival and see how God answers his questions. With that he shook my hand, told me his name was Chris, thanked me for talking to him, and said goodnight. I stood there speechless as he walked away.
What the crap just happened?? One minute I am worshipping Jesus, the next I am talking with a girl and her mother praying that God would heal their family, then I'm crying because of being overwhelmed with all this emotion, and then I run into an atheist who I'm scrambling for words to encourage to keep comin to this event! This had turned out to be such a mindboggling day! And all I could think of to do was pray, pray, and pray some more. There were so many people at this event who were broken in every way possible. But they were here for a reason. God had brought them here. And God had brought ME here. I had the whole festival site and the whole week to try to make a positive difference in these people's lives and then I would be back home in the States. It was that night that I felt God telling me that I needed to keep my eyes fixed on Him if I was going to survive this week. In and of myself I would not have the words of wisdom to share with these people. God was going to work through Creation Fest. I needed to be listening to His still small voice and recognize the opportunities the opportunities He was going to bring my way.
Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time we got back to our cottage. I slept like a rock!
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