I had a morning shift as a steward today and decided to take my lunch outside. I went to my new favorite vendor and bought some green curry chicken. It was the only thing that I could really taste because my senses were so numb from congestion! But it turned out to be a beautiful lunch, and I made a new friend. The rain had stopped and I found an empty picnic bench where I could see the clouds and fields. As I gazed into the distance my eyes met the smiling face of Brooke Ballard. "Hello!" she exclaimed as she walked towards me. Brooke and I had never officially met but we had seen each other enough times at Costa Mesa to know that we were on the same team. We re-introduced ourselves to each other chatted as we ate our lunch. I soon learned that she had been sick at the start of the trip too! She had food poisoning! It was a comfort to sympathize and encourage someone else who was sharing the same frustrations I had. My lunch break had a time limit so I had to cut the conversation short, but I left feeling very refreshed. There's something so delightful about making a new friend and she had such a sweet spirit I immediately felt better about my day.
As I walked back to my post I realized that I really did have the best job at the festival. I get to sit in one the seminars and people watch. That really is something I enjoy doing very much! I have always been interested in human behavior, perhaps that's why I minored in psychology. But I digress! When I was back on duty I found myself having to keep an eye on what seemed to be slightly intoxicated group of men. They were invited to the festival by a woman who didn't seem to have all her marbles, so to speak. Unfortunately, this group of people was constantly being escorted off the premises. My heart went to out to all of them. Even though they were more than welcome to join in the workshops and seminars they just didn't know how to behave in those atmospheres. I later learned that they all had been dealing with addictions to alcohol and drugs and the like. Once again, my heart broke. To be lost in life is one thing. But to come to a point where your mind cannot function normally is another. Drugs, alcohol, and other substance abuse had brought these people to a point where they couldn't help but be loud and disruptive. I know that God has eternal grace and He will judge us all according to our actions, but what about those who have lost touch with reality? Those that can't even see the effects of their actions or have sound enough judgement to know when they are being a hindrance to those trying to learn around them? I remember feeling very frustrated by these questions. How do we deal with people like this? I decided to just pray and see what God would do during the rest of the week.
On a lighter note, I found some solace while attending Sheryl Broderson's seminar on joy. I got off of my shift just in time. She opened with how difficult it is for us to have joy in our lives. There are so many distractions and tragedies. But at the same time we let the most insignificant set backs ruin our days. Losing our keys or a change in our plans make us feel out of control, and then we resort to panic! She wrapped up with this key point: When we understand God, who He is, what He has done, how He feels about us, then we can have a full grasp of joy. Sounds so simple when you put it that way doesn't it? It's so easy to lose sight of who God is when we are going through tough times. I have to remind myself that above all things, GOD LOVES ME. That means that He will never leave me, never give me more than I can handle, and that He will always be teaching me new things to make me a better person. He is equipping me for things to come. My life experiences will either benefit me or the people around me. I can encourage others who have dealt with the same issues I have. Or even just sympathizing with someone can be enough. I learned a bit of that tonight night during the after all call prayer...
One of the perks of being on this particular prayer team is getting to be so close to the stage and worship with the congregation as the bands praise God with their talents. Getting to watch the true worship and adoration on people's faces was such a blessing. I have never seen such passion in a congregation before. It was truly inspiring and very humbling. After the band led those who raised their hands in the sinner's prayer, our team waited for them to come for their Bibles and more prayer. Not that many people approached us tonight. I was left standing for quite a while. Others on the team had left to gather their belongings, but something told me to stay. The room started to clear up and I could see the stewards starting to put away the chairs. Oh well I thought feeling a little disappointed. Guess it's time to go. I turned to leave and then I was stopped by a steward. She told me that there was a girl sitting on the other side of the Big Shed who was sitting with her head buried in her hands and crying. "She looks like she could use some prayer," she said as she led me to her. As I approached the girl I saw that she was not alone. A woman was sitting beside her with her hand on her back, trying to comfort her. Tears were streaming down both of their faces and I could hear the girl's soft sobs. I knelt down in front of of them and looked into the girls face. She couldn't be more than 15. I introduced myself to both of them, telling them that I was on the prayer team and asked if I could pray for them. The woman, who I later learned was her mother, turned to her daughter and spoke in a sweet British voice, "Now you talk to this young lady, alright? You tell her what's going on." Then she left. A had a moment of fear...what exactly did I just get myself into? I prayed a general prayer for comfort and peace and that God would heal whatever was broken. Then I asked the girl what was going on. She went on to tell me that her parents had just separated. That there had been a lot of arguing going on in the house and that her dad had left her family. I was instantly filled with compassion. This particular kind of brokenness is something that I am not a stranger to. I told her that I knew how she felt and that I understood how disappointing something like that can be. I told her how God had been my friend through my experiences and that He has and continues to be the only reason I have kept a positive attitude through it all. I did my best to encourage her and remind her that God could work miracles. That miracle could mean her family being restored or she and her mother becoming stronger people because of this. I prayed for her once more. She thanked me with a sweet smile time and then she walked off with her friend. I stood up, turned around and there was her mother standing in front of me. "How is she?" she said with tears in her eyes. The crack in her voice as she said this broke my heart. How hard this must be for a mother, to watch her daughter hurting over something like this. She and I talked about their situation. They were connected to a church and had a lot of support, but this was the first time her daughter opened up about what was going on at home. She hadn't shed a tear or said much about this since her father left a few weeks ago. I held her mother in an embrace as I prayed over their family and for wisdom moving forward. She began to cry. Holding this woman and feeling her sob in my arms was like nothing I had ever felt before. I felt so much love and compassion for a complete stranger. All the while I had a sense of peace knowing that I was calling on the God who created her. What a priviledge this was! Praying for God's grace and mercy for the benefit of another is truly a beautiful thing. When we were done she said thank you and smiled as she said goodbye and went to her daughter.
I walked to a corner and let out a big sigh. "Wow," I said aloud. That was so heavy. All that raw emotion in a matter of minutes had taken me by surprise. This job is not for the faint of heart! Thankfully, Morika was around to give me a hug. I broke down a bit. I told her how I could relate to that kind of heartbreak and she reminded me that God does everything for a reason and that even though this was overwhelming me right now, that God was using me to minister to others. That brought a smile to my heart and face. I was suddenly so grateful. I silently prayed to God and thanked him for allowing me to part of something like this. For allowing me to part of these girl's lives during this time of brokenness. I may have played a very small part in the grand scheme of their lives, but I am so glad I was there to pray for them that night. When I am going through a hard time all I want is a comforting hand and someone to remind me that I belong to a God who is going to work it all out somehow. I hoped I had done that for them.
After my little pep talk with Morika I headed to the cafe to grab my purse. I couldn't help but smile. I was picturing the mother and her daughter and their grateful smiles. It gave me the glow...or what I like to call the glow. I don't know if you know what I am talking about, but it's that glow you feel in your heart when you know that God is present. When you know that He has just worked through you, when you feel Him looking down at you and is pleased. There's nothing better than that feeling! I imagine it's somewhat like the glow that Moses had when He came down the mountain after hearing God speak from the burning bush. The glow he had was external, and even though I know I wasn't shining or anything, it sure felt like it from the inside. So there I was strolling across the cafe with a smile on my face when all of a sudden a man approaches me and says, "You look like a mature person." I must admit it gave me a start. So many things went through my mind...Why is this old man talking to me? Why is he calling me mature? I'm 23 and everyone who meets me still thinks I look 16. Who is this guy? I managed to squeak out a, "Oh well, thank you." He must have noticed my confusion because he explained, "I mean you're not an older woman but you have a very mature aire about you. Are you an old Christian?" Ummmm...What does that even mean?
"Yes," I said. "I mean I have been a Christian most my life."
"Oh have you now? How are you liking the festival?"
Is this guy a volunteer here? He must be or he wouldn't be asking me about how I liked the festival. He's probably looking for some feedback for next year or something.
So I spilled about how I was loving experiencing God in a different culture, and about how much I have learned already and how glad I was to be here.
"Well I don't know why I am here. I'm an atheist and I just happened to pull up."
Definitely not a volunteer...oops.
This man went on to say that he had been through a lot in the past twelve years and he just wants to see what this whole Christian thing was about again. So I told him that he was in a great place and that he should keep coming and read his Bible....
"No. I won't read my Bible."
I jumped a bit and he apoligized for cutting me off. "I'm just not ready to actually seek God that way. But I am willing to be challenged and to talk to people. I want to be honest and know what this means."
All I could think of to say to him was that a willing heart is all that God desires so to keep on coming to the festival and see how God answers his questions. With that he shook my hand, told me his name was Chris, thanked me for talking to him, and said goodnight. I stood there speechless as he walked away.
What the crap just happened?? One minute I am worshipping Jesus, the next I am talking with a girl and her mother praying that God would heal their family, then I'm crying because of being overwhelmed with all this emotion, and then I run into an atheist who I'm scrambling for words to encourage to keep comin to this event! This had turned out to be such a mindboggling day! And all I could think of to do was pray, pray, and pray some more. There were so many people at this event who were broken in every way possible. But they were here for a reason. God had brought them here. And God had brought ME here. I had the whole festival site and the whole week to try to make a positive difference in these people's lives and then I would be back home in the States. It was that night that I felt God telling me that I needed to keep my eyes fixed on Him if I was going to survive this week. In and of myself I would not have the words of wisdom to share with these people. God was going to work through Creation Fest. I needed to be listening to His still small voice and recognize the opportunities the opportunities He was going to bring my way.
Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time we got back to our cottage. I slept like a rock!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Creation Fest Begins!
August 6th. First day of Creation Fest. This morning was absolutely lovely. I woke up earlier than usual so that I could take a walk. It was going to be a long day and I needed to just get away with God for a while. I put in my iPod and let it shuffle around some of my celtic playlists. I wandered across the playground and into the pasture (being careful not to spook the sheep) and into the outer plain. There I found a little cluster of trees with a perfect place to sit and pray. I found myself looking into the sky, pleading that God would use me. This being my first time helping with Creation Fest, I realy wasn't sure what to expect. I wasn't sure what kind of oppportunities God would bring my way, but I so wanted to be used so I prayed that God would help me keep my eyes open, my heart bold, and my strength sustained. After I had finished I was pleased to see a few sheep had wandered a little closer to me. About four of them just stared at me for the longest time. It made me chuckle. Could they tell I was a foreigner? Haha. How beautiful this place was. The sun was doing its best to creep out of the overcast clouds, but everything was still very gray. I usually don't like that kind of weather, but set it against a backdrop of rolling green hills and a few curious sheep and it can be very ideal. After reading my Bible and journaling for a bit I headed back to my cottage for some breakfast. Oh how I love toast and tea!
At the festival site Morika, Khrystal, and I were placed at the main gate (an all too familiar stomping ground for Khrystal and I!) to be part of the Welcome Team. Everyone that was camping had to pass through us and we would direct them according to their needs. It was so fun to see the expression on their faces when they heard my accent. Lots of wide-eyed children gave me a look that read, "Why is she talking like that?" Oh, and I absolutely loved our supervisor! His name was Alam Manchester and he was such a cheery fellow! He had that cool British humor that everyone remarks about. It soon got to be very windy, but thankfully they had brought us a little beach hut the day before so we were able to shelter ourselves in there if it got too cold. Morika and I got to bond in that little hut as we shared testimonies. And Alan was kind enough to bring us some snacks and water. But because i was talking so much I lost the little voice that I had left and my throat was on fire. I felt so bad but I had to let the other girls take over directing traffic because my throat was on fire. I was trying so hard to be optimistic but this was really starting to irritate me. Seriously God? This stinks like poop on toast. What am I supposed to do now without a voice? Just sit and knit like a pokey old woman?? By lunch time I was chilled to the bone and left with nothing but a Gollum like rasp to my voice. I was feeling very discouraged. I ate my lunch in silence and started to mope my way back to my station. As I was leaving the volunteer tent I looked to the fields on the other side of the fence and spotted a rainbow. It lasted for about 10 seconds and then it disappeared. A rainbow...God's promise...A demonstration of His covenant to never destroy the earth with a massive flood again...a sign of His desire to prosper His creation, not hinder them. I knew God was telling me, "I'm here. I promise to do something good with you." I had to stop putting God in a box. That evening our team met for some prayer and shared stories about our day. Sari opened up and shared a story about how he helped a man in a wheelchair by opening a door for him. To say thank you the man extended his arm and gave him a look of gratitiude. Then Sari quoted St. Fancis of Assissi when he said, "Preach the gospel. If necessary use words." That struck me to the core. Not having a voice was no excuse for not sharing my faith nor should I let it it stop me from taking advantage of the time that I had here. The mere presence of our team was already a blessing in and of itself. Did I really think that my lack of voice was going to put a damper on God's plans? Once again I felt the humbling of the Holy Spirit as it told me to have a willing and malleable heart. God would work through me; just not the way I had planned.
August 7th. First day as a Steward. I get to be security! Haha! I know, I know. Little me? Well it's not actually security but I get to wear a flourescent vest, a radio, speak in code, and have a call sign and everything. I didn't like that I was stationed outside again today because it was so cold but I met another Steward name Shira. She is super sweet and has a soft spot for Americans she says. Oh! And I forgot to mention that a couple nights ago I was asked to be part of the after altar call prayer team. I felt so honored! I had to admit that I was kind of nervous though. I have never been part of that kind of prayer team before. But it turned out to be such a blessing because I was given the privilege of praying with two people. One of them was a young boy named Anthony. It was his second year at Creation Fest and he had just rededicated his life to Christ. He was about to go into the army and felt like he needed to get his priorities straight. After I had finsihed praying with him he looked so happy.
And then there was Hannah. She couldn't have been more than 10 years old. And she was the cutest little thing. She had long, blonde hair and clear blue eyes. She came up to me for prayer and to get a Bible. I tried my best to explain as simply as possible what it meant to be a Christian and to love Jesus, but I somehow felt like I wasn't making any sense. But one thing I knew she did understand was that Jesus loved her. Every time I said that she would smile so beautifully and her eyes would light up. The joy on her face almost made me want to cry. That's when I realizewd that at it's core, Christainity is about embracing the love of Christ and responding to it. It's all about how much God loves us. As I lay in bed that night I had another revelation about Hannah. But first let me back track a little bit. About two weeks before we left for Creation Fest and before I knew what job i was going to have I had an interesting dream. In my dream I was on a trip or at some sort of event that required a group of young adults to escort little kids to another place. I was in charge of this little blond haired blue eyed girl. Now if I were to be perfectly honest then I would have to confess I have a love/hate relationship with kids. Sometimes I love them and then other times I feel like there is such a disconnect between then and I so I don't even know how to deal with them. But in my dream I felt perfectly at ease with this little girl. She and I were walking hand in hand and I had this overwhelming sense of love and delight having her by my side. And to further my delight I could tell that she liked me too. Somewhere in the background there was praise music playing. I sang along with the music until I heard her voice take over the chorus. Listening to this little girl sing praises to Jesus brought so much joy to my heart. I remmember thinking, "This is what it's all about. Teaching kids to love Jesus so that they grow up learning to love Him and live a life that pleases His heart." And with that thought, I woke up. That morning I received an email detailing that I was going to be in the kids tent. My heart rejoiced! I was going to get to work with kids just like in my dream! I was so looking forward to it. I felt like that dream was God preparing my heart for the job...but then I was made a Steward. When I found out I was a pretty disappointed. "What about my dream, God? Don't I have an appointment with a little blond haired blue eyed girl?" I figured the dream meant nothing after all and I forgot all about it. That is until tonight when I was reviewing my day. Hannah was the only little girl that I had close contact with during my time at Creation Fest. So I did get to keep my appointment with a little blonde haired blue eyed girl who was learning how to love Jesus. Funny how God works those little things out isn't it? ;)
At the festival site Morika, Khrystal, and I were placed at the main gate (an all too familiar stomping ground for Khrystal and I!) to be part of the Welcome Team. Everyone that was camping had to pass through us and we would direct them according to their needs. It was so fun to see the expression on their faces when they heard my accent. Lots of wide-eyed children gave me a look that read, "Why is she talking like that?" Oh, and I absolutely loved our supervisor! His name was Alam Manchester and he was such a cheery fellow! He had that cool British humor that everyone remarks about. It soon got to be very windy, but thankfully they had brought us a little beach hut the day before so we were able to shelter ourselves in there if it got too cold. Morika and I got to bond in that little hut as we shared testimonies. And Alan was kind enough to bring us some snacks and water. But because i was talking so much I lost the little voice that I had left and my throat was on fire. I felt so bad but I had to let the other girls take over directing traffic because my throat was on fire. I was trying so hard to be optimistic but this was really starting to irritate me. Seriously God? This stinks like poop on toast. What am I supposed to do now without a voice? Just sit and knit like a pokey old woman?? By lunch time I was chilled to the bone and left with nothing but a Gollum like rasp to my voice. I was feeling very discouraged. I ate my lunch in silence and started to mope my way back to my station. As I was leaving the volunteer tent I looked to the fields on the other side of the fence and spotted a rainbow. It lasted for about 10 seconds and then it disappeared. A rainbow...God's promise...A demonstration of His covenant to never destroy the earth with a massive flood again...a sign of His desire to prosper His creation, not hinder them. I knew God was telling me, "I'm here. I promise to do something good with you." I had to stop putting God in a box. That evening our team met for some prayer and shared stories about our day. Sari opened up and shared a story about how he helped a man in a wheelchair by opening a door for him. To say thank you the man extended his arm and gave him a look of gratitiude. Then Sari quoted St. Fancis of Assissi when he said, "Preach the gospel. If necessary use words." That struck me to the core. Not having a voice was no excuse for not sharing my faith nor should I let it it stop me from taking advantage of the time that I had here. The mere presence of our team was already a blessing in and of itself. Did I really think that my lack of voice was going to put a damper on God's plans? Once again I felt the humbling of the Holy Spirit as it told me to have a willing and malleable heart. God would work through me; just not the way I had planned.
August 7th. First day as a Steward. I get to be security! Haha! I know, I know. Little me? Well it's not actually security but I get to wear a flourescent vest, a radio, speak in code, and have a call sign and everything. I didn't like that I was stationed outside again today because it was so cold but I met another Steward name Shira. She is super sweet and has a soft spot for Americans she says. Oh! And I forgot to mention that a couple nights ago I was asked to be part of the after altar call prayer team. I felt so honored! I had to admit that I was kind of nervous though. I have never been part of that kind of prayer team before. But it turned out to be such a blessing because I was given the privilege of praying with two people. One of them was a young boy named Anthony. It was his second year at Creation Fest and he had just rededicated his life to Christ. He was about to go into the army and felt like he needed to get his priorities straight. After I had finsihed praying with him he looked so happy.
And then there was Hannah. She couldn't have been more than 10 years old. And she was the cutest little thing. She had long, blonde hair and clear blue eyes. She came up to me for prayer and to get a Bible. I tried my best to explain as simply as possible what it meant to be a Christian and to love Jesus, but I somehow felt like I wasn't making any sense. But one thing I knew she did understand was that Jesus loved her. Every time I said that she would smile so beautifully and her eyes would light up. The joy on her face almost made me want to cry. That's when I realizewd that at it's core, Christainity is about embracing the love of Christ and responding to it. It's all about how much God loves us. As I lay in bed that night I had another revelation about Hannah. But first let me back track a little bit. About two weeks before we left for Creation Fest and before I knew what job i was going to have I had an interesting dream. In my dream I was on a trip or at some sort of event that required a group of young adults to escort little kids to another place. I was in charge of this little blond haired blue eyed girl. Now if I were to be perfectly honest then I would have to confess I have a love/hate relationship with kids. Sometimes I love them and then other times I feel like there is such a disconnect between then and I so I don't even know how to deal with them. But in my dream I felt perfectly at ease with this little girl. She and I were walking hand in hand and I had this overwhelming sense of love and delight having her by my side. And to further my delight I could tell that she liked me too. Somewhere in the background there was praise music playing. I sang along with the music until I heard her voice take over the chorus. Listening to this little girl sing praises to Jesus brought so much joy to my heart. I remmember thinking, "This is what it's all about. Teaching kids to love Jesus so that they grow up learning to love Him and live a life that pleases His heart." And with that thought, I woke up. That morning I received an email detailing that I was going to be in the kids tent. My heart rejoiced! I was going to get to work with kids just like in my dream! I was so looking forward to it. I felt like that dream was God preparing my heart for the job...but then I was made a Steward. When I found out I was a pretty disappointed. "What about my dream, God? Don't I have an appointment with a little blond haired blue eyed girl?" I figured the dream meant nothing after all and I forgot all about it. That is until tonight when I was reviewing my day. Hannah was the only little girl that I had close contact with during my time at Creation Fest. So I did get to keep my appointment with a little blonde haired blue eyed girl who was learning how to love Jesus. Funny how God works those little things out isn't it? ;)
Monday, August 22, 2011
Pre-Creation Fest: Day 6.
August 5th. The day before Creation Fest. I was feeling really sick that day. That morning we heard a devotional about Peter's mother in law. She had been sick, but once she was healed she got up and made food for her household. The speaker talked about how she must have felt frustrated about her illness and how it prevented her from serving her guessts. So much so that once she got her strength back she headed straight to work. I could definitely relate to this because at this point laryngitis had set in. I wanted so much to talk, but couldn't. I was still very frustrated by the fact that God would have me get the flu the day before we left and then take away my voice two days after our arrival. It's almost as if God was telling me to really take things in, be an observer, and just to serve with a good attitude. I think He was also stirring up the desire to use my voice once it did come back. It made me realize how much I take for granted when I am completely healthy. I am for the most part a very healthy girl with working limbs and a sharp mind. Yet I find excuses not to do the simplest things because of laziness or fatigue. Not to say that we should work until our entire well being is at risk, but I know my body and I know that I have never come to a point of exhaustion where i have been near death. So what excuse have I when it comes to serving the Lord with my whole heart and body? Once again, I was humbled and I felt God telling me to just bite the bullet with a good attitude. When my voice came back then I had better use it!
After the devo a group of us were sent to work in the kitchen. There we met Mark, who is the coolest Scottishman I have ever met! He made us tea while we washed and dried dishes. Then we were sent outside to sort food in and out of a giant refrigerator. Once that job was done Khystal and I ended up at the main gate monitoring who came in and out. We were there for 6 hours! I have to admit that I felt a little guilty having that job. I was almost sure the rest of the team was doing much more intense back-brekaing work while Khrystal and I took turn approaching the incoming cars directing them to and fro. But it was still a very blessed time. We laughed as we shared stories back and forth. I even got to share a bit of my testimony with her. Not many people know this but about a two years ago I was in the midst of a very scary depression. One that sent me spiralling down the dangerous road of anorexia. I haven't shared the full story with many people, but hearing myself tell Khrystal how God delivered me from that, how He changed the way I thought, the way I looked at myself, at others, and the little ways He revealed Himself to me as I healed brought us both to tears. Once I had finsihed Khrystal said, "I love being reminded what an awesone God we serve." And He is awesome indeed.
I am so thankful for those six hours. It had turned out to be a very nice day. The sun was popping in and out of the clouds, and there was just enough breeze to make the clouds look interesting as they rolled by. Khrystal and I listened to praise music on my iPod during the dull hours and chatted with random people walking by. A husband and wife came strolling up the lane with their dog and talked with us for a bit. The woman shared her and her husband's testimony. She said that her daughter had become a Christian years ago, and that's what got her and her husband to really look into what being a Christan was all about. They had been going to church but never really dedicated their life to the Lord. The "version' of Christianity that their daughter was into made them worried that she had joined a cult. But she was just so on fire for God they had to check it out for themselves. You must forgive me because I can't quite remember where and when they decided to become Christians. But I do remember her saying that she and her husband were sitting in their car either after a church service or something like it and that she turned to him and said that she felt like God was trying to get their attention. To her surprise he said he felt the same and so they dedicated their lives to Christ. She told their story with a such a sweet and peaceful joy about her. I remember thinking that that joy made her look like such a beautiful person. When she had finished we chatted about where Khrystal and I were from and why our team had come to England. Khrystal and I played with their dog for a bit and then sent them on their way. They walked hand in hand down the lane with their dog follwing close behind. It's a mental picture I don't think I will ever forget. I really wish that I could remember their names. Hearing their story was definitely a highlight to my day.
After the devo a group of us were sent to work in the kitchen. There we met Mark, who is the coolest Scottishman I have ever met! He made us tea while we washed and dried dishes. Then we were sent outside to sort food in and out of a giant refrigerator. Once that job was done Khystal and I ended up at the main gate monitoring who came in and out. We were there for 6 hours! I have to admit that I felt a little guilty having that job. I was almost sure the rest of the team was doing much more intense back-brekaing work while Khrystal and I took turn approaching the incoming cars directing them to and fro. But it was still a very blessed time. We laughed as we shared stories back and forth. I even got to share a bit of my testimony with her. Not many people know this but about a two years ago I was in the midst of a very scary depression. One that sent me spiralling down the dangerous road of anorexia. I haven't shared the full story with many people, but hearing myself tell Khrystal how God delivered me from that, how He changed the way I thought, the way I looked at myself, at others, and the little ways He revealed Himself to me as I healed brought us both to tears. Once I had finsihed Khrystal said, "I love being reminded what an awesone God we serve." And He is awesome indeed.
I am so thankful for those six hours. It had turned out to be a very nice day. The sun was popping in and out of the clouds, and there was just enough breeze to make the clouds look interesting as they rolled by. Khrystal and I listened to praise music on my iPod during the dull hours and chatted with random people walking by. A husband and wife came strolling up the lane with their dog and talked with us for a bit. The woman shared her and her husband's testimony. She said that her daughter had become a Christian years ago, and that's what got her and her husband to really look into what being a Christan was all about. They had been going to church but never really dedicated their life to the Lord. The "version' of Christianity that their daughter was into made them worried that she had joined a cult. But she was just so on fire for God they had to check it out for themselves. You must forgive me because I can't quite remember where and when they decided to become Christians. But I do remember her saying that she and her husband were sitting in their car either after a church service or something like it and that she turned to him and said that she felt like God was trying to get their attention. To her surprise he said he felt the same and so they dedicated their lives to Christ. She told their story with a such a sweet and peaceful joy about her. I remember thinking that that joy made her look like such a beautiful person. When she had finished we chatted about where Khrystal and I were from and why our team had come to England. Khrystal and I played with their dog for a bit and then sent them on their way. They walked hand in hand down the lane with their dog follwing close behind. It's a mental picture I don't think I will ever forget. I really wish that I could remember their names. Hearing their story was definitely a highlight to my day.
Pre-Creation Fest: Day 1-5
In the midst of exhaustion and business I found it impossible to keep a blog while I was on my missions trip. Thankfully I was able to sketch a few journal entries for each day. These are the expanded experpts of my time in England. I hope you find them interesting, and in some small way inspiring.
July 31st. The day before departure. I woke up feeling not so 100% and seeing as how I was leaving for England the next day my parents let me stay home from church and sleep in to rest. I took a nap only to wake up to a fever, headache, sore throat, aches, chills...the whole shabang! So not ideal the day before a trip overseas. This sudden onset of the flu sent into questioning whether or not God was telling me I couldn't go anymore. It soon became clear to me that it was an attack of the enemy. Satan wanted me to be discouraged. But thanks to the positive words and nursing hands of my wonderful sister, I was able to stagger through the day. I had high hopes that I would wake up feeling better the next day.
August 1st. Day of departure. No such luck. I woke up feeling pretty much the same so my mom took me to an Urgent Care Center and I saw a doctor. I had never been to this doctor before, but it's almost as if God wanted me to go to this particular one. I told him my dilemma was not only my flu symptoms but that I going to be flying to London within a few hours. He asked where I was going specifically and so I told him Cornwall and then London. He proceeded to tell me that he spent a lot of time Cornwall because he did his medical schooling in London! He told me that it was a beautiful place and that I was really going to enjoy it. That gave me hope and I probably smiled for the first time that day. He gave me a prescription and told me some over the counter meds to take too. I was out of the doctor's office by 9:00 am and by 10:00 I was heading to the church. I was still feverish and doing my best to be excited despite my discomfort. I staggered onto the bus. The wait in LAX was not so ideal because I was still battling the fever. Once Craig, one of our leaders, learned that I was sick he and a couple other team members laid hands on me and prayed for my recovery. That made me feel a little better. There really wasn't anything left to do but pray and hope the antibiotics would start working fast. I did my best to sleep on the plane, but it's always been hard for me to sleep any other place than a bed. I probably squirmed like a restless little worm. Thank God I was in between two of the sweetest team members. Thanks Ariel and Michelle for making the flight so pleasant! :)
August 2nd. About eleven hours later we landed in Heathrow Airport. The team cleared customs without a problem and we jumped on a bus that took us to the beautiful countryside of Cornwall. Our arrival was oh so sweet! The air was crisp and clean (I definitely was not! haha!) But the cottages were so quaint and heartwarming! Upon entering our cottage my roommates and I were pleased to discover a plate full of scones set alongside a bowl of jam and clotted cream. We made some tea and had a little party. It was a wonderful welcome to England, and I felt so British already! After that Liz and I went exploring with a few other girls. I was pleased to discover that we were on a working farm! There were sheep, cows, bunnies, goats, a goose, chickens, dogs, and a fiesty little cat that I decided to call Tiger. We took lots of pictures. I even got to spend a few moments watching the sunset. It was the most beautiful sunset that I had ever seen. And trust me, I have seen a lot of sunsets! I wish that I could describe it to you. Even the pictures I have posted don't do it justice. The sun's rays danced across the clouds in such a way that it spread out like a fan. There were so many layers of colors. What struck me the most was the silence around me. I had separated myself from the group and sat alone on a fence overlooking the pasture. No crickets, no breeze, just the soft footsteps of nearby sheep. After two days of hectic travel, the silence was golden indeed! I remember taking a deep breathe and whispering to the air, "I'm in England...Here we go."
Agust 3rd. First full day in England. We were able to sleep in a bit this morning. Prais God! It gave us time to explore a little more of our surroundings, and I am oh so glad that we did! I was still feeling sick, but the excitement of the new and sunny day overwhelmed me. A group of us gathered for a walk to the closest village called Chapel Amble. It was such a tiny little town! My absolute favorite part about it was a corn field that we discovered. Now, call me crazy, but it has been a desire of mine to run through a corn field for the longest time. The idea seemed so exhilirating! Every time I see the movie Signs I would get the urge to frolic in the stalks (minus the creep aliens of course.) To my delight we found an open one and oh boy did we run! Each stride I took filled my heart with joy. I was in England running through a corn field! I half expected Frodo and Sam to come running out with Merry and Pippin close behind. Oh, and did I mention that I pulled out my ipod and listened to the LOTR soundtrack as we frolicked? Die hard LOTR fan right here. ;)
And to add to my delight there was a nearby field of wildflowers. We frolicked some more and took in the beauty of nature. How lovely this morning felt. It was absolutely surreal walking down the lane. So picturesque; like a movie. This was one of those places where time seems to stand still. Nature seems to tell you to walk a little slower, breath a little deeper. I could feel God's voice saying, "Look, look what I have created. I created it for you to enjoy." I imagine that piece of satisfaction I felt is a little piece of the joy God felt at the beginning of creation where He saw what He made and said it was good. I wish I could bottle up that moment and carry it with me to relive again and again.
Alas our free time was soon spent and we gathered with our team to head to the site. Here we met the other half of our team from the UK. Listening to them talk about the festival made me so excited to be part of this endeavor. Phil, the director of the event, led us a on a prayer walk around the site. It's interesting how much collective prayer has become part of my life. I feel as if God is really trying to show me the power of prayer amongst believers. Whether that be with my family, church congregation, or in this case, my Creation Fest team, collective prayer is something that is very important. Coming together in agreement when asking for the Holy Spirit to dwell in and around us during the festival gave me confidence. We prayed that hearts would be won over, that the enenmy would not be able to enter this camp, and that all would be safe during the festival.
I must admit that my energy level had sunk at this point. I had spent all my energy that morning frolicking in the meadows of England. And to my surprise the weather had drastically changed! The mornning has just been warm and sunny, but when we arrived at the site the sun was hidden behind gray clouds and the wind picked up. So much so that I couldn't hear some of the prayers being said. So this was English weather, eh? I thought to myself. This should be interesting. Especially trying to get over the flu!
After we closed in prayer we headed straight to work. Everyone was given a different job to do. Some went to wash dishes, others to build the skate park, and then there was the group I was placed in...the group being sent out to pass out flyers for the event. Now to be honest, I was terrified! But it was the kind of terrified that made me excited about being forced out of my confort zone. At heart, I am really an incredibly shy person, so having to walk up to a perfect stranger in a foregn ountry and tell them about a Christian event was not one of my strong suits. However, I was not alone so that made the trek a little less intimidating. Two groups went into two different towns and from those groups we split off into smaller groups of 3 or 4. The goups I was in included my long time friend Liz, and my two new friends Briana and Lauren. We were given the little harbor town of Padstoe. Now Liz and Briana had spent some time there last year. While passing out flyers they met a woman who told them that she was engaged to be married to a Muslim who lived in Egypt. She really opened up to them and even went on to say that she had hever met this man! They had communicated through emails and phone calls and such. So Liz and Briana were bent on finding this woman to see if she had gone through with her plans. They knew where she worked in the town and made a b-Line for it! Lauren and I struggled to keep up for a while. The roads were tiny and steep. Not to mention I was trying not to step onto the wrong side of the street. We found her place of work, which was a tiny insurance company in the middle of a bustling harbor town filled with people on their holiday. At that moment we all were struck with the same question, "Now what?" Do we go inside and ask for her? Do we wait and see if she comes out? We only had an hour before we were supposed to meet back with the rest of our team, and we were supposed to be passing out flyers to people. The situation seemed a little hopeless. What were the odds of her still being here a year later? Then the door opened and I saw Liz and Bri stare at the woman walking out. Their perplexed faces grew into a smile as they realized it was her! She had dyed her air black apparantly, but still had the same haircut. She casually strolled down the street, cigarrette in hand, and disappeared around the corner. We all made note that she had no wedding ring on! We agreed she was probably on her break so we waited a few moments until she came back. But what a miralce this was! Literally two minutes after we arrive she walks out on her smoking break? Our first divine appointment! Liz and Bri were so excited. When she came back they reintroduced themselves and she remembered who they were! She told them to come back at 5 when she got off of work. This was perfect timing because that gave us about 45 minutes to pass out flyers and then head back to our team members. This perked me up a little bit. I could not believe that this had fallen so easily in our laps. And it didn't stop there. After a few failed attempts to get people to take flyers to the event, we gathered together on a corner and prayed for boldness and open doors. And from that moment it was like God told us who to approach with our flyers. Briana appraoched a street muscician and she turned out to a be a Christian! She wasn't going to be in town for the fetival, but she worked at a little ice cream shop so she agreed to take some flyers to spread around there and give to some family and friends in the area. Lauren and I spoke to a couple who also agreed to take some flyers and leave them in their Bed and Breakfast for others to see. Then we trekked into a random ice cream parlour in hopes that they would agree to take some flyers if we bought something first. This was yet another divine appointment. The man at the register told us that he and "the miss'" were planning on coming to the event anyway! They had heard about the event last year at a secular concert (a concert we later learned was banned from passing out Creation Fest flyers) and then gave their lives to the Lord that year! So he was more than willing to take the flyers and promote the event! It was awesome to see the joy in his eyes. That was the last stop of the day for Lauren and I. We headed back to tell our group that Liz and Bri would be a little delayed because of their appointment with the woman at the insurance office. When they caught up with us they told us that she had not married that man after all, and that she was really touched that the girls remembered her. They exchagned emails and became facebook friends. So with a little more prayer and diving intervention we hope to see her at the event next year.
When our cottage reconvened we shared stories about our day. One of our roommates led four people to Christ! We had a nice little dinner together, and I ended the night with a warm cup of tea. I was physically exhausted and my throat was burning up, but I was in complete amazement at what God had done already!
August 4th. First work day. We had worhip and a little devotion this morning. The worship was amazing! I felt like it was the first time I had had a real moment in a LONG time. I was in tears before the first song even ended. I could barely sing and I felt so sick, but there was this peace in my heart. I knew this is where I was supposed to be. All these months of saving every penny, taking on every shift possible, all the times I worried that I was never going to make enough money to go...all of that seemed to well up in me and I finally felt a release. I was here...sick and coughing up a storm, but I was here. Because I couldn't sing I was forced to really meditate on the words in the songs. I realized how bold our worship songs are. We make promises to serve forever, we surrender our hearts, abandoning everything because we recognize the huge price that was paid. For a moment I felt so unworthy to even dare worshipping the Lord. How dare I even approach His throne? Over and over again my promises are found to be empty because I live my life like I am serving myself. But then I remembered why I am able to approach His throne...Jesus Christ. He made the way. Without Jesus' willingness to say "Don't worry about it, I will make right what you have made wrong," I wouldn't even stand a chance in God's presence. It pleases God to see me at His feet. He doesn't see my empty promises and proclamations of loyalty. He says, "Come as you are. I will love you anyway." This humbling experience gave my heart strength even though my physical body didn't have any. We spent the day working odd jobs here and there in preparation for the festival. It's by the grace of God that I didn't quit half way through. There were about five of us working on decorating the Showcase Cafe, a kind of coffee shop where musicians would play their while the audience sat and chat. It took us four long hours to hang and tie the decorations. I am so thankful that I was with such joyful and hardworking team members! They made the time go so much faster.
July 31st. The day before departure. I woke up feeling not so 100% and seeing as how I was leaving for England the next day my parents let me stay home from church and sleep in to rest. I took a nap only to wake up to a fever, headache, sore throat, aches, chills...the whole shabang! So not ideal the day before a trip overseas. This sudden onset of the flu sent into questioning whether or not God was telling me I couldn't go anymore. It soon became clear to me that it was an attack of the enemy. Satan wanted me to be discouraged. But thanks to the positive words and nursing hands of my wonderful sister, I was able to stagger through the day. I had high hopes that I would wake up feeling better the next day.
August 1st. Day of departure. No such luck. I woke up feeling pretty much the same so my mom took me to an Urgent Care Center and I saw a doctor. I had never been to this doctor before, but it's almost as if God wanted me to go to this particular one. I told him my dilemma was not only my flu symptoms but that I going to be flying to London within a few hours. He asked where I was going specifically and so I told him Cornwall and then London. He proceeded to tell me that he spent a lot of time Cornwall because he did his medical schooling in London! He told me that it was a beautiful place and that I was really going to enjoy it. That gave me hope and I probably smiled for the first time that day. He gave me a prescription and told me some over the counter meds to take too. I was out of the doctor's office by 9:00 am and by 10:00 I was heading to the church. I was still feverish and doing my best to be excited despite my discomfort. I staggered onto the bus. The wait in LAX was not so ideal because I was still battling the fever. Once Craig, one of our leaders, learned that I was sick he and a couple other team members laid hands on me and prayed for my recovery. That made me feel a little better. There really wasn't anything left to do but pray and hope the antibiotics would start working fast. I did my best to sleep on the plane, but it's always been hard for me to sleep any other place than a bed. I probably squirmed like a restless little worm. Thank God I was in between two of the sweetest team members. Thanks Ariel and Michelle for making the flight so pleasant! :)
August 2nd. About eleven hours later we landed in Heathrow Airport. The team cleared customs without a problem and we jumped on a bus that took us to the beautiful countryside of Cornwall. Our arrival was oh so sweet! The air was crisp and clean (I definitely was not! haha!) But the cottages were so quaint and heartwarming! Upon entering our cottage my roommates and I were pleased to discover a plate full of scones set alongside a bowl of jam and clotted cream. We made some tea and had a little party. It was a wonderful welcome to England, and I felt so British already! After that Liz and I went exploring with a few other girls. I was pleased to discover that we were on a working farm! There were sheep, cows, bunnies, goats, a goose, chickens, dogs, and a fiesty little cat that I decided to call Tiger. We took lots of pictures. I even got to spend a few moments watching the sunset. It was the most beautiful sunset that I had ever seen. And trust me, I have seen a lot of sunsets! I wish that I could describe it to you. Even the pictures I have posted don't do it justice. The sun's rays danced across the clouds in such a way that it spread out like a fan. There were so many layers of colors. What struck me the most was the silence around me. I had separated myself from the group and sat alone on a fence overlooking the pasture. No crickets, no breeze, just the soft footsteps of nearby sheep. After two days of hectic travel, the silence was golden indeed! I remember taking a deep breathe and whispering to the air, "I'm in England...Here we go."
Agust 3rd. First full day in England. We were able to sleep in a bit this morning. Prais God! It gave us time to explore a little more of our surroundings, and I am oh so glad that we did! I was still feeling sick, but the excitement of the new and sunny day overwhelmed me. A group of us gathered for a walk to the closest village called Chapel Amble. It was such a tiny little town! My absolute favorite part about it was a corn field that we discovered. Now, call me crazy, but it has been a desire of mine to run through a corn field for the longest time. The idea seemed so exhilirating! Every time I see the movie Signs I would get the urge to frolic in the stalks (minus the creep aliens of course.) To my delight we found an open one and oh boy did we run! Each stride I took filled my heart with joy. I was in England running through a corn field! I half expected Frodo and Sam to come running out with Merry and Pippin close behind. Oh, and did I mention that I pulled out my ipod and listened to the LOTR soundtrack as we frolicked? Die hard LOTR fan right here. ;)
And to add to my delight there was a nearby field of wildflowers. We frolicked some more and took in the beauty of nature. How lovely this morning felt. It was absolutely surreal walking down the lane. So picturesque; like a movie. This was one of those places where time seems to stand still. Nature seems to tell you to walk a little slower, breath a little deeper. I could feel God's voice saying, "Look, look what I have created. I created it for you to enjoy." I imagine that piece of satisfaction I felt is a little piece of the joy God felt at the beginning of creation where He saw what He made and said it was good. I wish I could bottle up that moment and carry it with me to relive again and again.
Alas our free time was soon spent and we gathered with our team to head to the site. Here we met the other half of our team from the UK. Listening to them talk about the festival made me so excited to be part of this endeavor. Phil, the director of the event, led us a on a prayer walk around the site. It's interesting how much collective prayer has become part of my life. I feel as if God is really trying to show me the power of prayer amongst believers. Whether that be with my family, church congregation, or in this case, my Creation Fest team, collective prayer is something that is very important. Coming together in agreement when asking for the Holy Spirit to dwell in and around us during the festival gave me confidence. We prayed that hearts would be won over, that the enenmy would not be able to enter this camp, and that all would be safe during the festival.
I must admit that my energy level had sunk at this point. I had spent all my energy that morning frolicking in the meadows of England. And to my surprise the weather had drastically changed! The mornning has just been warm and sunny, but when we arrived at the site the sun was hidden behind gray clouds and the wind picked up. So much so that I couldn't hear some of the prayers being said. So this was English weather, eh? I thought to myself. This should be interesting. Especially trying to get over the flu!
After we closed in prayer we headed straight to work. Everyone was given a different job to do. Some went to wash dishes, others to build the skate park, and then there was the group I was placed in...the group being sent out to pass out flyers for the event. Now to be honest, I was terrified! But it was the kind of terrified that made me excited about being forced out of my confort zone. At heart, I am really an incredibly shy person, so having to walk up to a perfect stranger in a foregn ountry and tell them about a Christian event was not one of my strong suits. However, I was not alone so that made the trek a little less intimidating. Two groups went into two different towns and from those groups we split off into smaller groups of 3 or 4. The goups I was in included my long time friend Liz, and my two new friends Briana and Lauren. We were given the little harbor town of Padstoe. Now Liz and Briana had spent some time there last year. While passing out flyers they met a woman who told them that she was engaged to be married to a Muslim who lived in Egypt. She really opened up to them and even went on to say that she had hever met this man! They had communicated through emails and phone calls and such. So Liz and Briana were bent on finding this woman to see if she had gone through with her plans. They knew where she worked in the town and made a b-Line for it! Lauren and I struggled to keep up for a while. The roads were tiny and steep. Not to mention I was trying not to step onto the wrong side of the street. We found her place of work, which was a tiny insurance company in the middle of a bustling harbor town filled with people on their holiday. At that moment we all were struck with the same question, "Now what?" Do we go inside and ask for her? Do we wait and see if she comes out? We only had an hour before we were supposed to meet back with the rest of our team, and we were supposed to be passing out flyers to people. The situation seemed a little hopeless. What were the odds of her still being here a year later? Then the door opened and I saw Liz and Bri stare at the woman walking out. Their perplexed faces grew into a smile as they realized it was her! She had dyed her air black apparantly, but still had the same haircut. She casually strolled down the street, cigarrette in hand, and disappeared around the corner. We all made note that she had no wedding ring on! We agreed she was probably on her break so we waited a few moments until she came back. But what a miralce this was! Literally two minutes after we arrive she walks out on her smoking break? Our first divine appointment! Liz and Bri were so excited. When she came back they reintroduced themselves and she remembered who they were! She told them to come back at 5 when she got off of work. This was perfect timing because that gave us about 45 minutes to pass out flyers and then head back to our team members. This perked me up a little bit. I could not believe that this had fallen so easily in our laps. And it didn't stop there. After a few failed attempts to get people to take flyers to the event, we gathered together on a corner and prayed for boldness and open doors. And from that moment it was like God told us who to approach with our flyers. Briana appraoched a street muscician and she turned out to a be a Christian! She wasn't going to be in town for the fetival, but she worked at a little ice cream shop so she agreed to take some flyers to spread around there and give to some family and friends in the area. Lauren and I spoke to a couple who also agreed to take some flyers and leave them in their Bed and Breakfast for others to see. Then we trekked into a random ice cream parlour in hopes that they would agree to take some flyers if we bought something first. This was yet another divine appointment. The man at the register told us that he and "the miss'" were planning on coming to the event anyway! They had heard about the event last year at a secular concert (a concert we later learned was banned from passing out Creation Fest flyers) and then gave their lives to the Lord that year! So he was more than willing to take the flyers and promote the event! It was awesome to see the joy in his eyes. That was the last stop of the day for Lauren and I. We headed back to tell our group that Liz and Bri would be a little delayed because of their appointment with the woman at the insurance office. When they caught up with us they told us that she had not married that man after all, and that she was really touched that the girls remembered her. They exchagned emails and became facebook friends. So with a little more prayer and diving intervention we hope to see her at the event next year.
When our cottage reconvened we shared stories about our day. One of our roommates led four people to Christ! We had a nice little dinner together, and I ended the night with a warm cup of tea. I was physically exhausted and my throat was burning up, but I was in complete amazement at what God had done already!
August 4th. First work day. We had worhip and a little devotion this morning. The worship was amazing! I felt like it was the first time I had had a real moment in a LONG time. I was in tears before the first song even ended. I could barely sing and I felt so sick, but there was this peace in my heart. I knew this is where I was supposed to be. All these months of saving every penny, taking on every shift possible, all the times I worried that I was never going to make enough money to go...all of that seemed to well up in me and I finally felt a release. I was here...sick and coughing up a storm, but I was here. Because I couldn't sing I was forced to really meditate on the words in the songs. I realized how bold our worship songs are. We make promises to serve forever, we surrender our hearts, abandoning everything because we recognize the huge price that was paid. For a moment I felt so unworthy to even dare worshipping the Lord. How dare I even approach His throne? Over and over again my promises are found to be empty because I live my life like I am serving myself. But then I remembered why I am able to approach His throne...Jesus Christ. He made the way. Without Jesus' willingness to say "Don't worry about it, I will make right what you have made wrong," I wouldn't even stand a chance in God's presence. It pleases God to see me at His feet. He doesn't see my empty promises and proclamations of loyalty. He says, "Come as you are. I will love you anyway." This humbling experience gave my heart strength even though my physical body didn't have any. We spent the day working odd jobs here and there in preparation for the festival. It's by the grace of God that I didn't quit half way through. There were about five of us working on decorating the Showcase Cafe, a kind of coffee shop where musicians would play their while the audience sat and chat. It took us four long hours to hang and tie the decorations. I am so thankful that I was with such joyful and hardworking team members! They made the time go so much faster.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Creation Fest Awaits!
Only 7 more days until I leave! I cannot believe it! It really hit me today when I bought my rain jacket, which is super hard to find in the middle of summer by the way. But this is something that I have been looking forward to for what seems like forever. Last summer I got the "missions trip bug." I knew that my soul wanted to go somewhere. England fell into my hands at just the right moment. And as the time to leave has come closer I have felt God impress upon my heart His will for me to go. But I must admit that making it thus far as been a struggle...
I started a countdown for this trip back when the days were in the 150's. When it got to 40 I made a promise to myself. In light of the fact that the number 40 is a Biblically themed number I thought it would be fitting for me to make something special of the last 40 days that I had left before the trip. I told myself that I was going to read my Bible more, spend more quality time with God, that I was going to read more theological books and brush up on my defense arguments. That way, when the time came for me to be bold, share my faith, or quote a Scripture then I would be ready! Well, true to it's form in the Bible, these last forty days have been days of trial. I feel like the enemy has thrown almost everything he's got at me. And I must confess that I feel like I have barely passed with the skin of my teeth. It has been a really hard past 40 days! From work, to family, to friends, to emotional ups and downs, as well as physical, I feel so exhausted! I manage to get some devotions into my day and I can honestly say that I am alive because of them. I am not yet downing, but my head is just above the water. I don't know what kind of refining for God is putting me through, but these series of events happening in the last 40 days before the trip make me feel like something great is at work here. I have no idea what awaits me in England but I am eager to see what it is! I am going to spend two weeks on the other side of the world where the ligh tof Christ is so desperately needed and wanted. Please pray for our team. Pray that there will be many, many divine appointments, and that we will heed the Lord's voice when He tells us to act, and even when He tells us not to. This is my first time going on this particular adventure and I want to make the most of it by taking in another culture and learning from it in every way possible. So please, also pray that despite the business and fatigue that we may be able to soak up what the Lord has for us like a sponge! And thank you to all of you who have encouraged me thus far. I can't wait to tell you all about the trip!
p.s. I am conventiently having a pool party at my house on the 20th so the trip will be fresh in my jet-lagged mind..so yeah, be there. :P
I started a countdown for this trip back when the days were in the 150's. When it got to 40 I made a promise to myself. In light of the fact that the number 40 is a Biblically themed number I thought it would be fitting for me to make something special of the last 40 days that I had left before the trip. I told myself that I was going to read my Bible more, spend more quality time with God, that I was going to read more theological books and brush up on my defense arguments. That way, when the time came for me to be bold, share my faith, or quote a Scripture then I would be ready! Well, true to it's form in the Bible, these last forty days have been days of trial. I feel like the enemy has thrown almost everything he's got at me. And I must confess that I feel like I have barely passed with the skin of my teeth. It has been a really hard past 40 days! From work, to family, to friends, to emotional ups and downs, as well as physical, I feel so exhausted! I manage to get some devotions into my day and I can honestly say that I am alive because of them. I am not yet downing, but my head is just above the water. I don't know what kind of refining for God is putting me through, but these series of events happening in the last 40 days before the trip make me feel like something great is at work here. I have no idea what awaits me in England but I am eager to see what it is! I am going to spend two weeks on the other side of the world where the ligh tof Christ is so desperately needed and wanted. Please pray for our team. Pray that there will be many, many divine appointments, and that we will heed the Lord's voice when He tells us to act, and even when He tells us not to. This is my first time going on this particular adventure and I want to make the most of it by taking in another culture and learning from it in every way possible. So please, also pray that despite the business and fatigue that we may be able to soak up what the Lord has for us like a sponge! And thank you to all of you who have encouraged me thus far. I can't wait to tell you all about the trip!
p.s. I am conventiently having a pool party at my house on the 20th so the trip will be fresh in my jet-lagged mind..so yeah, be there. :P
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Instead of counting sheep...
Well it's past midnight, and I am up as usual. So instead of tossing and turning in my bed I would like to take this opportunity to be thankful for some of the things going on in my life:
Thank you God for new friends. Life post grad leaves you feeling dry in lots of places in your life. You lose your rouitne and teh circle of friends that became your family. For me it really has been very hard to make friends at work because there is so little that we had in common. But being on the CreatioFest team has opened some new doors. I am making some really good friends, and I am having a blast with them! We are getting along so great and we are slowly expanding our after meeting hang out group so that is super exciting! I am thankful for these new peope because I get to hear new stories, learn new things, and make new memories.
Thank you God for the work that you are doing in my family. It has been a very slow and very painful process, but I am starting to see my family transform. We survived Father's Day. I cannot believe it! But we are actually working together, and leaning on each other. We are starting to be able to talk about really sensitive subjects and not let them get out of hand. I feel as though we are starting to get on the same page, and that God has something in store for all of us to take on as a family. I am grateful for the peace that has been residing in this house. There has been a change and that change has been the presence of the Holyu Spirit in our house. Please God, continue to reign in our lives!
Thank you God for the business. Even though I am still working on getting up before 10am, I am so grateful that I have things to do. It interesting how having tasks makes a person feel so much more useful and important. I have two jobs, a few rehearsals, weekly meetings for a missions trip, weekly Bible studies, and church. Even in the middle of all that I find some time to hang out with my friends and relax. Now that I think about it, life's not so bad for me right now.
Thank you God for bringing my dad a job. There has yet to be any monetary gain from this yet, but my dad has a few balls rolling in this real estate job as well as his advertising job. The other day I heard him getting up really early in the morning. I could hear his footsteps and I could tell he was wearing his dress shoes. When he came home that day he was wearing a professional, whie button up shirt, nice pants and his dress shoes. He was tired. I could tell, but I knew he felt good about himself. And I was so happy for him. Happy that he had a reason to get all spiffy and do his job. Also, an opportunity has come up for him to be a manager of a restaurant. Hopefully all the cards will fall into place. But as of righ tnow, thing are looking good for my dad in the job department. Thank you God! Please let that dry spell be over!
Thank you that I am learning how to not be a "dumb Christian." These Monday night sessions are exactly what I have been praying for. Who knew that that desire to be fed with intellectual defenses was going to be satisfied when I signed on for this team? I know more than ever that this is where God wants me. And even if I don't end up going on the trip because of the money, I am forever grateful for the resources that I now have at y fingertips. This is perfect!
Thank you God for new friends. Life post grad leaves you feeling dry in lots of places in your life. You lose your rouitne and teh circle of friends that became your family. For me it really has been very hard to make friends at work because there is so little that we had in common. But being on the CreatioFest team has opened some new doors. I am making some really good friends, and I am having a blast with them! We are getting along so great and we are slowly expanding our after meeting hang out group so that is super exciting! I am thankful for these new peope because I get to hear new stories, learn new things, and make new memories.
Thank you God for the work that you are doing in my family. It has been a very slow and very painful process, but I am starting to see my family transform. We survived Father's Day. I cannot believe it! But we are actually working together, and leaning on each other. We are starting to be able to talk about really sensitive subjects and not let them get out of hand. I feel as though we are starting to get on the same page, and that God has something in store for all of us to take on as a family. I am grateful for the peace that has been residing in this house. There has been a change and that change has been the presence of the Holyu Spirit in our house. Please God, continue to reign in our lives!
Thank you God for the business. Even though I am still working on getting up before 10am, I am so grateful that I have things to do. It interesting how having tasks makes a person feel so much more useful and important. I have two jobs, a few rehearsals, weekly meetings for a missions trip, weekly Bible studies, and church. Even in the middle of all that I find some time to hang out with my friends and relax. Now that I think about it, life's not so bad for me right now.
Thank you God for bringing my dad a job. There has yet to be any monetary gain from this yet, but my dad has a few balls rolling in this real estate job as well as his advertising job. The other day I heard him getting up really early in the morning. I could hear his footsteps and I could tell he was wearing his dress shoes. When he came home that day he was wearing a professional, whie button up shirt, nice pants and his dress shoes. He was tired. I could tell, but I knew he felt good about himself. And I was so happy for him. Happy that he had a reason to get all spiffy and do his job. Also, an opportunity has come up for him to be a manager of a restaurant. Hopefully all the cards will fall into place. But as of righ tnow, thing are looking good for my dad in the job department. Thank you God! Please let that dry spell be over!
Thank you that I am learning how to not be a "dumb Christian." These Monday night sessions are exactly what I have been praying for. Who knew that that desire to be fed with intellectual defenses was going to be satisfied when I signed on for this team? I know more than ever that this is where God wants me. And even if I don't end up going on the trip because of the money, I am forever grateful for the resources that I now have at y fingertips. This is perfect!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
'I'll do it tomorrow..."
I received some very sad new today. My neighbor across the street suffered a massive stroke last week and now the doctors and family have come to the conclusion that she will be taken off life support tomorrow.
She and her husband have been married for over 40 years. Both have been in and out of the hospital since my family have lived in this house. Because of that my Dad has offered his services to them for a number of things. From things like taking out their garbage cans to taking the newspaper they never ordered off their hands. This was to my delight because I have a fancy for the funny pages. About a month ago the wife approached my father with a handmade doily. She told him it was a gift for our family. He brought it home and showed it to me. It was the most intricate doily I have ever seen. I stared in awe of it's size and detail. My father went on to say that she wanted to teach ME how to make things just like this. She wanted to teach me how to crochet and knit too. I felt very honored to have been offered this opportunity. The thought of being taught these dying arts by someone who was well advanced in years and had lived through many historic things (Her husband was a Nazi youth. Don't worry, he has since changed his way of thinking) seemed very romantic and Anne of Green Gables-ish. I was sure I would learn a lot more from her than just how to work with my hands. I told myself that I would visit her the next day.
But I didn't....So I told myself I would go the next week.
But I didn't....Then one day I woke up and told myself I was going to visit her that afternoon.
But I didn't.
In fact, I never went over to her house.
Receiving the news that she will no longer be alive within a few hours has really shaken me up. I put it off too long. I probably wouldn't have become an expert at knitting, but I would have had the chance to spend some time with this woman who was kind enough to think of me as a prospective pupil. She wanted to bestow her knowledge onto me, but I never took advantage of it.
This has made me realize several things. First of all, it's a reminder that we are never promised tomorrow. It can all be taken away in a flash. We can die in a tragic car accident, crossing the street, or some other unfortunate event. But not only that. Someone else can be taken way just as easily. That one person we always see sitting my themselves. The one that you keep telling yourself you will introduce yourself to and get to know. That one co-worker who doesn't seem to fit in. Or even that really annoying family member that you tolerate during the holidays when you have to see them. They could be gone in an instant. And all the things that you wanted to say or take back, all the questions you wanted to ask or even to answer will remain untouched.
My heart is heavy with the realization that I let an opportunity like this slip by. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I know now that putting things off for tomorrow can be a viscous thing. So even though this note is a little bit of a downer I hope it inspires you to not procrastinate. Try to think of areas in your life where the doors has been opened but you have yet to walk through them. Take advantage of the time you have with the people around you.
Also, please keep my neighbor's family in prayer. They are preparing to say goodbye and it's going to be a very hard ordeal.
Thanks for reading.
-Jen
She and her husband have been married for over 40 years. Both have been in and out of the hospital since my family have lived in this house. Because of that my Dad has offered his services to them for a number of things. From things like taking out their garbage cans to taking the newspaper they never ordered off their hands. This was to my delight because I have a fancy for the funny pages. About a month ago the wife approached my father with a handmade doily. She told him it was a gift for our family. He brought it home and showed it to me. It was the most intricate doily I have ever seen. I stared in awe of it's size and detail. My father went on to say that she wanted to teach ME how to make things just like this. She wanted to teach me how to crochet and knit too. I felt very honored to have been offered this opportunity. The thought of being taught these dying arts by someone who was well advanced in years and had lived through many historic things (Her husband was a Nazi youth. Don't worry, he has since changed his way of thinking) seemed very romantic and Anne of Green Gables-ish. I was sure I would learn a lot more from her than just how to work with my hands. I told myself that I would visit her the next day.
But I didn't....So I told myself I would go the next week.
But I didn't....Then one day I woke up and told myself I was going to visit her that afternoon.
But I didn't.
In fact, I never went over to her house.
Receiving the news that she will no longer be alive within a few hours has really shaken me up. I put it off too long. I probably wouldn't have become an expert at knitting, but I would have had the chance to spend some time with this woman who was kind enough to think of me as a prospective pupil. She wanted to bestow her knowledge onto me, but I never took advantage of it.
This has made me realize several things. First of all, it's a reminder that we are never promised tomorrow. It can all be taken away in a flash. We can die in a tragic car accident, crossing the street, or some other unfortunate event. But not only that. Someone else can be taken way just as easily. That one person we always see sitting my themselves. The one that you keep telling yourself you will introduce yourself to and get to know. That one co-worker who doesn't seem to fit in. Or even that really annoying family member that you tolerate during the holidays when you have to see them. They could be gone in an instant. And all the things that you wanted to say or take back, all the questions you wanted to ask or even to answer will remain untouched.
My heart is heavy with the realization that I let an opportunity like this slip by. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I know now that putting things off for tomorrow can be a viscous thing. So even though this note is a little bit of a downer I hope it inspires you to not procrastinate. Try to think of areas in your life where the doors has been opened but you have yet to walk through them. Take advantage of the time you have with the people around you.
Also, please keep my neighbor's family in prayer. They are preparing to say goodbye and it's going to be a very hard ordeal.
Thanks for reading.
-Jen
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